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The Great Ladies Shower Modernisation Debate

~ poem and sketch by Rachel Jones

(to be read with a very highbrow accent)

A visit to the caving club, at the start of 2008,
Enlightened me somewhat, to the great ladies shower modernisation debate.

The time had come, you see, for improvements to be made,
To the facilities on hand to lady members, when showering post-cave.

But who could have anticipated the discussions that did unfold,
The bizarre and the zany objections, that shall now be all retold:

The first objection raised was to an open shower design,
And whether ladies should shower together, but this was far from fine.

Modesty proved quite a point, and disagreement, there was enough,
As it appeared that ladies, do not wish to see, each other in the buff.

This desire for modesty was much considered by some,
Who said "if ladies faced the wall when showering, that all that could be seen is their bum"

But this proved controversial as ladies did point out,
That they "rotate" when showering, and need to turn about!

One fine upstanding member, suggested with delight,
That women could wear blindfolds when showering, to avoid any line of sight.

A further objection raised, to an open shower design,
Was difficulties with maintaining, a clear wet-and-dry area, divide.

It was considered in debate and postulated thus,
That ladies spray when showering, when water hits their bust.

These various trajectories could cause a great deal of spray,
And for ladies in the dry area, an awful lot of dismay.

Discussions continued on, way into the night
And it was considered that cubicles might in fact be right.

But ladies who considered this, were concerned about erection,
And issues of size, number and cost, and available colours on selection.

Drainage was Grimmett's concern, as he sighed and thought of cubicles,
Reminded of previous blockages and ladies hair, detached from their follicules.

And so the debate continued and for a selected female few,
Excitement at the option of mixed showers, with male members, "woo hoo"!

The positioning of a mirror was also much discussed,
As angling, if right, could results in men glimpsing one's bust!

It was sometime in the early hours that I left and went to bed,
And considered all these discussions rolling round my head.

From hot tubs, to sheep dips and some things more depraved,
And all because ladies wish to be clean and smell nice, post-cave.

I concluded that it was now, the poor old committee's thankless fate,
To continue and resolve the great ladies shower, modernisation debate.